CINCINNATI -- Self-loathing ain't so bad. I mean, if I've got to resort to forced public humiliation to get myself back in shape, then so be it. At least my intentions are honorable.

Anyway, that's what the deal is here in Cincinnati. I've resolved this year to run the city's fifth annual Flying Pig Marathon in May. I ran the first one here back in 1999. It always seems to be the first weekend of the fifth month, not unlike one of the nation's better parties, the Kentucky Derby. Oh, the pageantry.

But as I began to train for the '99 race, my regimen felt fairly official in that it was initiated on New Year's Day. Ran, ate well, got my head in the game, all that stuff. I was living right. Even read a book called "Four Months To A Four-Hour Marathon." But I'm getting a little scared this time around because in addition to being a few years older, it's already mid-January and I haven't done a whole lot in the last couple weeks. If either of you readers has ever seen "Three And A Half Months To A Four-Hour Marathon," drop me a line.

Actually, the four-hour part isn't what I'm worried about. I just want to finish. And I'd prefer to cover the 26.2-mile course without interruptions. Last time, my knee gave me more pain than I'd ever experienced at the 19th mile. Not only was I unable to run, but my walk was quite reminiscent of that of a grandparent with a bad hip. Very slow. Even the joker who did the race in a shark mascot costume blew past me. And he was walking! That happened at nearly noon, when the temperature had topped 80 degrees, so at least I enjoyed the breeze his hurried pace provided.

While I finished, it was more than 90 minutes after when I told friends Kristen and Mark to expect me. Kristen, a new girlfriend at the time, was sweet in her support. Mark was fine because they served beer near the finish line. But he didn't lack sarcasm as he looked at his watch when they greeted their sweaty friend.

So I tried yoga, thinking it would give me the dual benefits of better physical and spiritual health. I took it two Wednesdays in a row, very early in the mornings, last month. What a great thing it was. Then, the third week, they didn't even show up because I was the only person taking the class at that hour. Now I can't seem to get around to going back.

Even the regularity of the running has been reduced. I did it about a dozen times from Thanksgiving to the first week of the new year, but I've skipped out the last eight days. At least I have good excuses. Monday, I had to go buy a new home theater system after work. Tuesday, I was required to go buy a TV stand for Monday's purchase, again, after work. Wednesday, my tech-savvy friend Jason came over to hook up all the electronics. I'm not good with cables and wires and so forth.

By the time Thursday rolled around, I figured I'd just wait until the weekend. I believed that lie even though I was hosting our station's post-holiday Christmas party Saturday. The soiree was successful, but saying goodnight to Jen and Cheryl after the newspaper was delivered is hardly helpful here.

Sure enough, it's now Sunday night, approaching midnight, and I'm wondering when this cold snap will break so I can go run again. Not helping matters is the fact that I've got about 70 beers left over from that party. Temptations, temptations.

At least I ordered my Whopper without cheese Sunday, so that's a start. Any other suggestions?

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Wise is Senior Editor of ChannelCincinnati.com and TheLouisvilleChannel.com, and is training to run Cincinnati's Flying Pig Marathon in May. Check back again soon for more progress reports on his training, as well as some self-deprecating fun. Any help will be appreciated, and that doesn't exclude financial contributions.