CLEVELAND - I can't believe I'm about to write this, but it's long overdue.
For the first time in 14 years, I'm going to have to let you go. I can't keep using you this way. When I'm down, you bring me up. You give me that extra boost that adds a little pep in my step. Yes, in the beginning I used you for purely selfish reasons.
I would expect you to increase my energy at 5 a.m. I know that was a lot of pressure, but I really needed you to do that for me. And you came through for me every single time.
But through the years, we grew closer and I wanted to know more about you. I discovered that you are famous. You are loved all over the world and millions call out your name daily. The demand for you has made you the second-most traded commodity in the world. You're also a muse, inspiring composer Johan Sebastian Bach to compose an entire opera, "Coffee Cantata" about your relationship with another female coffee drinker. I'll deal with that issue later.
You're talents are amazing to me. Body scrubs show off your ability to get rid of dead skin cells and the Japanese claim you reduce wrinkles so they bathe with you.
But what I love the most about you is that you're very humble. You don't brag about these wonderful things that are attached to your name. As a matter of fact you let your cousins in on the act as well. Their names are Espresso, Mocha, Cappuccino, Cafe Latte, and Cafe au Lait. You guys are like one big happy family. A family that I've been a part of for so many years and loved every drop of it.
But now I must say goodbye. For the next 10 days, our relationship must end. I have to prove to myself that I can live without you.
Please don't try to text or call because I won't answer. If you love me as much as I love you, you will stay away. Yes, I will think of you as I walk by my empty Keurig K-cup carousel with fond memories of when it was full. Memories of French roast, Italian roast, and breakfast blend coffees painting the corners of my mouth with your rich flavor. Ah, good to the last drop.
So, I say farewell Joe. Adios java. Goodbye my mean caffeine.
I look forward to our paths crossing again and I will say, "Hello Hazelnut Latte, hold the cream."