As season 17 of "The Bachelor" (seriously its been 17 seasons?) comes to a close, it was time for Chris Harrison to sit down Monday and ask super awkward questions to the ladies Sean Lowe crushed on his path to finding love.
Before we could get to the juicy behind-the-scenes details and see the girls cry one last time, however, Chris took Sean on a sweet, self-centered, conceited, bigheaded tour of "Bachelor" viewing parties.
I think this is something they tried for the first time this season, and I hope it never happens again.
My ears are still ringing from Sean's entrance into a sorority house of about 50 girls chanting his name.
How is THAT for an ego boost? I'm surprised his head could fit back out the door.
Returning to the tell-all and yet more women saying how hot Sean is. Seriously, he's going to have to go to therapy for having too much self-confidence after the show is officially over.
Is it just me or does anyone else not remember half of these girls were on the show?
A few snippets were shown of every woman talking smack about every other woman, specifically focused on Tierra.
"Tierra's sparkle didn't sparkle that big and it never did the entire season," Lesley laughed. "It was pretty dim when Sean gave her the first rose, and it was less and less after that."
One point to Lesley.
At this moment, I was looking around the audience and spotted a few poor guys. What did they do to their wives to deserve going to the tell-all? Just saying.
Chris asked the girls and the audience what they thought of Tierra's fall down the stairs and if it was real. The collective answer was that Tierra was full of it.
I sure hope an ambulance is on stand-by at the studio while "Tierra-able" makes her reappearance.
The studio was silent when she finally came on stage and the audience buckled down for an entire hour focused on her (someone please help us all).
"['The Bachelor'] was difficult for me because I light up in a room and when I walk into a room, I bring this joy and this smile and I'm happy," Tierra said with a straight face. "[Girls] judge me on what I look like instead of the inner person, the heart I have, the good family I come from and everything I value in my life and my morals."
Can't. Stop. Laughing.
Tierra continued to say that she never thought she would be in the "hot seat" and that she was really nervous to be back on the show. (I would be nervous, too, with all of those women looking at me with dagger eyes).
Tierra claimed after Sean gave her the first rose, it ruined any chance she had of being friendly with the girls. Yeah, like she would have been best friends with everyone if that had not happened the first night. Fooling no one, lady.
Also, she said Sean played into how she treated the other women because he told her to put blinders on and not let the women affect her.
OK, Tierra, I will share a little lesson I was taught in the seventh grade: When you point the finger at someone else, you have three pointing back at yourself. Seriously, try it.
"I was friendly, it wasn't like I walked around the house like a complete devil," she said. Actually, that is exactly what it seemed like.
After Tierra said she had nothing to be sorry for, she had a minor brain-fart and apologized to all the women for anything that she did to offend them. Which was basically just being in the house at all.
You should apologize not only to the girls, but also to the nation. And don't stop there; apologize to the world, Tierra, apologize to the whole world.
She ended her conversation with Chris Harrison talking about her engagement that happened three or four seconds after she was sent home from the show.
Now, this is the only question I have ever really wanted to know: Not why the sky is blue or why the world can't find peace, but HOW someone is marrying Tierra?
I have never been more confused yet extremely happy in my life at the thought of her impending marriage, because, hey, looks like there is hope for ANY and ALL of us!
Goodbye for good Tierra. Take that sparkle and your eyebrow and craw into a hole, please.
Sarah was a fan favorite and Chris pulled her up on stage to discuss the way she left the house.
She told him she knew what Sean was going to say to her before he even started talking and that every guy she has ever dated has given her the same story.
"You're an amazing girl, I know how special you are and I want to connected with you so bad," she said. "Someone is going to be so lucky to have you and I don't want to put you though this."
Sarah could've really seen her and Sean together for the long haul but it just didn't turn in her favor.
"I think I'm funny and smart and great, so I don't understand why, I don't get it!" she pouted.
You tell them, sister! Fight the good fight.
The biggest fan favorite, Desiree, chatted with Chris next and we all had to watch the saddest goodbye on "The Bachelor" for the second time. OK, I cant take anymore of this!
"In that moment, I felt that we had a natural chemistry and
a connection that I didn't think the other girls could surpass," Desiree explained. "So, in that moment when he's sending me off, I thought he was making the biggest mistake in his life because I knew I embodied the qualities that he wanted in a wife. I thought I was falling in love."
She added she pictured their lives together and wanted to find the same kind of love that her parents share.
Chris brought up her evil brother that all of America hates and she just said that he was very skeptical of the show and the experience, and he was being protective,
Wow, I applaud you, Des. I would have punched my brother in the face.
"I'm looking forward to the future," Des said. "I'm very open to finding love. That's all I want and all I could hope for. (Who smells the next Bachelorette?)
AshLee was called to the stage next and really showed America her true crazy colors.
She alleged she was a very reserved person and had never dove anything in her life like she did on the show. She believed she was walking away with Sean in the end and, at the moment of visiting hometowns, would've said yes if he had proposed.
Chris asked AshLee about leaving Sean without a word when he sent her home, and she replied that she just was flummoxed.
"I didn't know what to say," AshLee said. "To be blindsided and just wiped away."
She then told the world that she was no longer in love with Sean, and that she was over it… which was not at all what it seemed like when Sean came out to speak with her.
In the segment I would title, "Sean and AshLee's private breakup conversation on camera," AshLee didn't hold back calling Sean out left and right.
"You said some things overnight that honestly, Sean, I believed I was the one," AshLee said. "Why did you say that you had absolutely no feelings for them?"
SAY WHAT NOW?
Sean claimed he said no such thing and they went back and forth for an extremely long time before Chris Harrison remembered he was on the show and stepped in.
To sum up the tell-all: Nothing really got accomplished but it was awesome watching the bloopers when Sean fell off a bike.
The three-hour season finale airs Monday at 7 p.m. on NewsChannel5