Monday night's episode of "The Bachelor" took Sean Lowe on a dramatic adventure around the country to visit with the four remaining girls' families.
AshLee had the first hometown date, taking Sean to Houston.
"Before I met Sean, I thought I knew what love was, but I had no clue what real, true love was!" gushed AshLee.
I'm not trying to pull a Tierra or anything, but are you kidding me? You are 32 and just now saying that you understand true love because of a guy you've known for 6 weeks? Pull it together, woman!
AshLee met Sean in Houston and immediately starting talking about her abandonment issues again in the middle of a prairie. Because, why not?
While AshLee was saying that she had been dreaming about the day she could bring him home for as far back as she could remember (like six weeks ago), Sean kept saying things like, "Well, I know how emotionally invested she is ..." Oh yeah, that sounds really hopeful.
"He told me to trust him, that he will be the man to protect my heart," AshLee said. Hold up, that actually never happened.
Sean met AshLee's parents at a random picnic table and was immediately grilled by her dad.
AshLee pulled the attention back to herself when she started crying about her experience with the polar bear plunge. Seriously? Of all things to cry about.
"I stood there and I looked at this lake and I thought, 'I made this commitment and I needed to leave every insecurity and fear of abandonment behind,' and I jumped in and in my mind I submerged everything and I left it in the water and I came out," she said.
If she says "abandonment" one more time, I am turning the television off.
She then went on to weirdly tell her parents about all the romance in St. Croix and described rolling around in the sand with Sean. Why wouldn't her parents want to hear all those details? Yikes.
When AshLee's mom pulled Sean aside, she asked him bluntly if he would break her heart.
Sean's words said "no", but his face said "as soon as possible."
He told her mom that AshLee is incredibly special and that he is crazy about her. Who wants to make a bet right now that he uses that line for all four dates?
"I love her mom and now it's very scary to have a conversation with a dad about marrying his daughter when I'm dating three other women," Sean said. "I'm afraid he's going to ask me if I'm in love with his daughter."
"So, are you in love with my daughter?" AshLee's dad said with perfect timing.
Sean asked her dad for his blessing if he decides at the end that he wants to propose to AshLee and he gave it pretty easily. Though he did sign off on AshLee getting married at 17 so I'm not sure about his judgment anyway.
In an admittedly adorable speech, AshLee's dad described meeting her for the first time.
"They had a little 4-year-old girl they needed to place and she came with a little haircut, a cast on her hand and pouting lips. I looked at her and told the worker that she would be really hard to give back," he said. "The moment I saw her I had a connection with her and so whatever man takes her for the rest of her life is going to have to fall in love with her like that."
OK, pass the tissues, please.
AshLee was so sure about her and Sean's connection that she said they will get married because "we are in love." Is it just me, or has she been making things up the entire episode?
"Today has been magical, just magical," she said. "It's like there is pixie dust everywhere."
That statement deserves no comment.
Catherine's hometown date was next in Seattle and Sean seemed legitimately happy to see her.
"I knew that I would love to hang out with Catherine all the time, but I didn't know if the romance was there, but when that happened, it all came together," Sean said.
Catherine said that a lot of her attraction to Sean came from the fact that he is always ready, willing and excited to do anything that she throws his way, including making him catch fish in the market.
They both said that they love each other's energy and just being around each other. (Already seeing way more chemistry with them than with AshLee).
"I love the way he smells, and his big beefy arms and how he accepts me in every way," Catherine said.
I like what you did there, Catherine. I really see you have your priorities in check.
While in the market, the two played around like little kids and Sean described how he felt like he didn't have to be the "cool guy" in front of Catherine.
"It's impossible to act the ‘cool guy' because she brings out the weird, goofy side of me and I love that," Sean said.
Its OK, Sean, I don't think many people picture you as the ‘cool guy' anyway.
Sean was brought to Catherine's house and was attacked by a home full of women. Her two sisters looked like carbon copies of her, and her grandmother was the cutest old lady I've ever seen.
"He's handsome, I'm going to get him!" her grandmother said.
All seemed to go well, with Sean putting on an apron and cooking with Catherine's mom. Then it started to go downhill once the sisters chimed in.
When they pulled Catherine into the bedroom, they asked her is she would say yes if Sean proposed. After a long hesitation, Catherine replied with, "yeah, I would want to try this out."
Ehhhhh, that answer wasn't exactly a good one, honey.
"I'm confused as to why I had to continue to defend myself and my relationship with Sean," Catherine whined. Well, did you just hear your own answer to the proposal question?
The sisters did not seem to buy Catherine's feelings for Sean at all, so they proceeded to drill Sean next with questions.
Sean asked the sisters if Catherine was ready to settle down and their response was horrible, at best.
"I can't see her having kids right away. She, like, goes in 100 percent with a guy and then she always makes things fun, but when the fun isn't there anymore, and she wants to be with someone who supports all her dreams and if you don't, then she will find someone else." they said. "That's how she's always been."
She seems great.
They continued to call their own sister out by telling Sean dating has always been easy for her and she needs someone to call her out on her being messy and her extreme mood swings.
I don't think they will receive presents from Catherine next Christmas.
Catherine's mom added to Sean's skepticism about Catherine, saying "will it work [with you two]? I don't know." Loving the pure confidence.
And for the second time out of two dates, Sean told Catherine's mom her daughter was so incredibly special. Genuine.
Sean asked for her mom's blessing and never got it.
"Today didn't go as expected. Her family is very skeptical and her sisters brought things up about Catherine that make me doubt our relationship," he said. "I don't have any firm answers after tonight. Honestly, I'm not sure how we go from here. I don't know how to move forward with her."
Yeah that pretty much answers it. Catherine is going to slap her sisters.
Lindsey's hometown date was next in Fort Leonard Wood, Mo.
Sean described several times from the beginning how nervous and intimidated he was to meet Lindsey's dad, a two-star General. I would be afraid, too, if I was dating his daughter and three other girls.
"Lindsey gives me butterflies, and I love her youthful energy," Sean said. Well, she's 24 and talks like a 4-year-old, so I understand the "youthful" part.
While taking a tour of Lindsey's very small hometown, Sean asked her what he should call her dad since he is a general. It was pretty adorable how nervous he was.
Lindsey pulled out another crazy moment when she made Sean dress up in full Army gear and had him follow her orders. She seemed to slap his butt a lot, which was the real reason she had him do this.
"Their house is on [her dad's] post. We are on his turf, it just adds to the intimidation," Sean whimpered. "Hopefully, he sees me as a man that can protect and provide for his daughter."
Lindsey said that if her dad didn't approve of Sean, it would be a deal breaker for her. Don't add too much pressure, girl.
"I'm crazy about your daughter, she is so special," Sean said (for the third time) to Lindsey's mom.
After Sean explained he couldn't tell her whether or not he was in love with her daughter because those words to him meant a life together, she said that she really respected him for keeping those words sacred. He won her over pretty easy.
Sean met with Lindsey's dad and he looked like he was having a heart attack. Luckily for Sean, Lindsey's dad actually ended up being really nice and easy going.
"You don't want to see you're daughter get hurt and that's my biggest concern, that it will end with her getting hurt and that's tough," he explained.
Sean said he understood then proceeded to ask for his blessing if he feels he wants to propose to Lindsey at the end.
Her dad hesitantly gave it to him, and the whole world cheered. No, seriously.
"This guy is not intimidating, he's such a nice guy," Sean said. "It feels like he accepts me, and that I'm worthy to be with his daughter. I would be honored to be a part of that family and it attracts me more to Lindsey."
In another Kleenex moment, the big bad general gave Sean personalized dog tags as "a token to remember the family by." OK, so I wasn't sure about Lindsey and her baby-talk, but her family is adorable.
The most-hyped hometown date with Desiree was next in Los Angeles.
"We have had a connection from the beginning. I could see her as my wife and spending forever with her," Sean said.
Desiree took Sean to a canyon to go hiking and Sean reminded us AGAIN how outdoorsy and awesome he is. We get it, dude.
After their tame date, Des took Sean back to her place to prepare dinner for her family. There was a knock on the door and Des opened it, shocked at the guest.
Her ex-boyfriend came in and asked the camera man to turn the camera off and proceeded to proclaim his love for Des.
Sean awkwardly sat by until the ex-boyfriend took it up a notch.
"Im right here, if you want to talk to me, talk to me," Sean said with clenched fists. "My heart is racing like, ‘what am I about to do to this guy?'"
Des jumped in the middle and told Sean it was all a joke. Oh wow, you're so funny! Not.
Des said that she was just getting him back for the practical joke he played on her for their first date. Sean said he liked how she could give out a joke, but his face said he was not pleased with her antics.
After Sean decided he wasn't about to get into a physical fight, Des's family arrived to shake him up again.
Her mom and dad were very sweet, and her brother was drunk. Seriously, I'm pretty sure he had a few before the taping.
"Des was just glowing, and seriously, I have not seen that glow on her. I know something has happened," her mom said. "Maybe there is something here, you know? This would be great for her."
The conversation between Sean and Des's dad must have been beyond boring because they didn't even show it. Or maybe they were just making time for Des's crazy brother?
When Des pulled her brother, Nate, aside to ask him how he felt about all of this, he responded by telling her not to fall for "nobody." Oh yeah, he's a winner.
"I'm thinking this is not going to work. This is stupid almost, you know?" he said to Des. "I know you're ready, I just don't want it to be for the wrong dude."
He took "protective brother" to an entirely new level when he pulled Sean outside in the middle of dinner.
"I believe that she is really into you but you're not into her, and I don't think the reciprocation is there," he told Sean. He then said the word "reciprocation" so many times that it lost its meaning entirely.
Sean told him he appreciated that he brought this to his attention, but that it wasn't right. He said he was crazy about Desiree and that (you guessed it!) she is very special to him.
Sean asked him if that put his mind at ease, and Nate replied, "you're just a playboy having fun with the circumstances. Whatever comes along - have fun here and fun there."
Sean was visibly disturbed by her brother's animosity toward him, and said that it was the second time that he had been riled up that night.
"My character and integrity is very important to me. So, no, I don't like hearing this," Sean said. "He is basically calling me a fraud."
Sean said that he really wanted to tell her brother off, but didn't want to ruin the night for everyone. What a true gentleman. Unlike someone else, (cough, cough) Jersey Shore wannabe, Nate.
In one of the most awkward moments the entire season, Sean sits back down to dinner to a palpable silence when Des and her brother start bickering in front of him and her parents try to cover it by talking about the weather. Eeeeeeek.
When Sean leaves, Des's father turns to Nate and said, "You just don't understand things."
Ha ha call him out, pops!
"I'm telling myself, 'I'm not going to let Nate influence my feeling for Des,'" Sean said. "But it's impossible not to picture myself in this family who has this brother that I don't get along with."
Well, Desiree was a fan favorite until Jersey Shore ruined everything. Way to go!
After the disaster with Des, Sean had to pick three of the four girls to continue on.
"I can picture my life with Lindsay and AshLee, but I still have a question mark with Des and Catherine," Sean said. "I have felt confident at every other rose ceremony, but I have no clarity with tonight's."
Chris Harrison came in and had a bro moment with Sean. Sean explained what had happened with Des's brother and how it made him feel differently about her. He also talked about Catherine and how she may be too independent for him.
"I keep going back and forth, back and forth and my heart feels like it's tearing," he said.
"My advice to you: Get this right," Chris said. Get it right? That's all you've got? Who gave you this job, anyway?
While Sean stood over the roses, Des was visibly upset and pulled Sean out to talk to him.
"I want to apologize for last night. I walked in afterward and he said. 'I'm just really upset,'" Des cried. "Because that was rude."
Sean tried to comfort her and said that it wasn't a reflection of her, that it was her brother. He took Des back inside, only to give roses to everyone but her. That was a bit harsh. The longest, saddest goodbye followed, with Desiree telling Sean that he was making a huge mistake.
Sean said that he was going to miss her so much, and she told him, "then don't let me go." Ugh, gut wrenching. Unfortunately, he does let her go and Desiree's brother succeeded in officially ruining her life.
On Tuesday's episode, Sean tells all to Chris Harrison. Oh yes, we get to hear all about Tierr-able and why he sent fan favorite Sarah home.