Week 2 shocker: 'Dancing with the Stars' keeps lowest scoring star while kicking off 2 couples

Not one, but two couples given the boot on the second week of the 18th season of “Dancing with the Stars.”

Last week, the show promised a shocker and delivered. Host Tom Bergeron says there will be a double elimination tonight – and it could happen at any time. “Our own version of March Madness,” proclaims co-host Erin Andrews. The stars suddenly look like they’re suffering bowel discomfort.

Did Billy Dee Williams survive his bottom score? What about that Candace/Danica feud? And did Erin stop storming over people in interviews?

So strap your legs extra tight, cause here we go!

(That’s not insensitive – it’s a riff on an actual quote that I’ll explain coming up. Sheesh.)

First results! Because they’ll be announced at random all night. Comedian Drew Carey and Cheryl are safe. And dancing now.

Drew and Cheryl have a jive. He says he loves being the center of attention. That from someone in show business? Will the shockers on this show never end? Anyway, he looks winded after 10 seconds and his hip movements look more “Time Warp.” He’s trying but Cheryl looks smoother next to him. It just felt very dance class. Judge Len Goodman calls it entertaining, but urges better footwork and posture. Judge Bruno Tonioli says Drew covered up his mistakes well. Judge Carrie Ann Inaba says he has spring in his step. Score: 21.

More results! Lowest-scoring couple from last week, actor Billy Dee Williams and Emma, are safe. “The Force is strong with this one,” Tom says. Actually, the fan base is strong. Cue the cruel cutaway to swimmer Diana Nyad, who is not sporting a “happy for him” expression; her low score trailed him. (In my pre-season analysis, I predicted she would be first to go. Hmm…) Also, Ice dancer Meryl Davis and Maks are safe, as are actress Danica McKellar and Val.

Danica and Val are up with a samba. Val points out, “Candace got a nine.” Danica says, “I’m very happy for her. Do you see happy?” Val says, “You’re a good actress.” Drama! I thought the “feud” was all a manufactured in-joke. Apparently, there’s something to it. For crying in practice, Danica exudes sexy confidence. Girl upped her game from last week. Samba rolls? Check. And check out that spray tan! It’s Val’s birthday. Maybe his gift was her outfit. Bruno calls Danica a gorgeous jungle cat who needs to finish transitions. Carrie Ann calls her samba moves flawless. Len tells her to keep doing what she’s doing. Score: 24.

Billy Dee and Emma are up with a tango. He says he wanted to cry last week, and feels like an old man whose body is holding him back. Cue the sympathy votes, you sly fox, you. Emma brings in two more hot female dancers to… boost his confidence? Distract from him? Whatever, it’s just a show. But there is something about seeing a sly, mature gentleman dance with three gorgeous gals. It has a good mood, but Emma holds back on her kicks because Billy Dee cannot kick high. It’s cute, but not demanding. Carrie Ann says he didn’t miss a step, but needs more content. Len says he needed more attack for a too smooth tango. Bruno tells Billy Dee to take more time with the three girls and see what happens – because he would. Tom says, “I think for you it’ll be a long wait.” Openly gay Bruno says, “Tom, I’m flexible.” Erin asks Billy Dee how it was dancing with three women. “Story of my life,” he says. #boss. Score: 15.

Meryl and Maks are up with a swing. He calls her nervous. But Meryl corrects him: she’s not nervous at all. He wants to throw her around because she’s light, but he feels old. And, boy, does he throw her around. And she looks completely carefree, calm and casual. She is so polished and projects such infectious fun. Len says her swing had wings. Bruno notes she lost timing, but the level of difficulty was incredible. Carrie Ann says Meryl had Maks work his butt off. Tiny Meryl, dominant partner that she is, grabs large bad boy Maks, spins him around and pats him on the butt. Like master and dog. He may be the show pro, but she is SO the boss of this partnership. Erin asks Maks about the judges’ comments, he mumbles something, and she calls him “weak.” Wow, he’s losing his prowess. Score: 25.

Okay, I have a new season prediction. In my pre-season analysis, I proclaimed Meryl would win – and she certainly has the talent. But, honestly, her perfection is so effortless, I now predict that she might get eliminated before the finale because DWTS fans love underdogs and touching stories about stars who grow during the season. Meryl is simply too good for them. This show seems like a warm-down for her. I mean, didn’t she just win gold in the Olympics like a month ago?

More results! Paralympic snowboarder Amy Purdy and Derek are safe, as are Candace Cameron and Mark. Oh, but Diana and Henry are going home – right now. But we knew that before the season started. Erin asks how Diana feels. Without transcribing her response, all I can say is her words are so regal, verbal and commanding, I would happily listen to her talk than watch her dance.

Diana and Henry get to do their cha cha. She’s overplaying the facial expressions and hamming it up. And did I just see a Macarena?

Suddenly, Erin is talking to Jeremy Miller. Who? The “Growing Pains” star who dated both Danica and Cameron as teens in the 90's. Awkward! (Honestly, before Erin introduced him, I thought it was Bill Engvall – who’s 19 years older!) Erin asks which gal he’s rooting for. Jeremy says, “It’s gotta be both of them.” She rolls her eyes. He says if he named one, the other would kill him.

Cameron and Mark have a rumba. She tells the wardrobe consultants she doesn’t want Mark shirtless. She just lost a lot of lady votes there. On the flip side, women might appreciate her being a responsible mom. Their routine is mesmerizing, slow, haunted and emotional. But it’s more of a contemporary, which worked for them last week. Carrie Ann calls it out as a contemporary, not a rumba. Len says her arms have gotta be as expressive as her face. Bruno says her emotional depth is amazing. Erin asks Cameron how she balances her Christian beliefs with the sex factor, and Cameron proclaims, “I am a sexual woman!” Score: 21.

Amy and Derek are up with a swing. She’s worried because it’s tricky for her to balance with such a fast dance. “My legs could potentially fly off when I’m dancing,” she says. “Knock out Bruno,” says Derek. Ha. Worries aside, she is sharp and sure-footed, virile and athletic. She misses one move in what was a captivating and joyous routine. Len calls her amazing. Bruno calls her clever with unexpected touches. Carrie Ann says their moves were completely synched. Score: 24.

Results! Ice dancer Charlie White and Sharna are safe, as are Nickelodeon star James Maslow and Peta.

James and Peta get to salsa. He suggests doing their routine full nude. If it involves Peta, go for it! It’s a sensual but aggressive routine with some flips. He’s pretty energetic and very fluid and even throws in some extra movements while she finishes a move. And it ends with an amazing flip that brings new meaning to the term “arm candy.” Bruno says, “More of that, please.” This dance just brought Carrie Ann out of menopause, who says James just joined the Sexy Hall of Fame of Past Contestants. Len says it was full attack and wants James to slow a bit. Score: 25.

Charlie and Sharna do a tango. He doesn’t know how to be a bad boy, so she brings in coach Maks. Their routine is very smooth. Charlie demonstrates amazing leg control while sweeping across the floor with Sharna. For a leaner guy, he projects power. When it’s over, his serious face is gone and he laughs like a goof. Carrie Ann says he looked like Baryshnikov, because she’s lost touch with reality. Len, unhappy they broke hold, says, “If you break the rules, the judges go down on you.” The looks of suppressed shock on Carrie Ann and Bruno’s faces say everything about that unfortunate phrasing. Bruno loves when Charlie is bad. Score: 25.

Final results! Nope. The three remaining couples just stand there and learn they will all do their dances before finding out which one gets the boot at the end of the show.

Reality star NeNe Leaks and Tony have a jive. She looks flat-footed and has no extensions. Again, she’s simply going through the moves and looks more like she’s just dancing and not performing. Len calls it a tough dance for week two. Bruno wants her to be sharper. Carrie Ann says her arms were awkward. Score: 21.

Hockey bad boy Sean Avery and Karina have a salsa. The Man of No Expression cracks a smile. How  novel. He has nice energy, doesn’t miss a beat, instills some good energy, and looks like he’s having fun. Bruno says his whole personality changes when he smiles. Carrie Ann says he is very authentic when he dances. Len says he’ll get a higher score this week. Score: 21.

Singer Cody Simpson and Witney have a tango. Based on the mindless army of teen girls fawning over him in the audience, he ain’t going anywhere. Sags his pants in practie? Gets another million tween girl votes. When the dance starts, the lights go off – and their costumes light up. How… necessary? Cody looks a bit stodgy. He has energy, but not the moves. The tango is clearly a more nature man’s dance. On close inspection, he comes off as a giraffe: long limbs he’s not sure what to do with. But all is forgiven when he somehow moonwalks in the middle of this routine. And I'm certain Cody got the inspiration for his high, blond pompadour from “There’s Something About Mary.” Carrie Ann says he lost his frame due to height difference. Len says Cody’s body was loose, but loves a moonwalk. Bruno calls him Edward in “Twilight.” Because who wasn’t thinking that? Score: 22.

As for his hair, check out the photo:

Okay, final results! NeNe safe. Cody safe. Bad boy Sean eliminated.

Once Billy Dee was declared safe, I suspected as much, because Sean simply doesn’ t have the fan base. As I predicted before the season, NeNe would get by thanks to fans for a couple weeks. But, frankly, I don’t even want to critique her dance next week unless she improves. Vastly improves. She’s brings little to the competition, and Sean was actually trying. This begs the question: Why does DWTS eliminate two stars in the first elimination? It seems like a jip on the audience and the contestants.

Prediction: If NeNe’s not gone next week, Billy Dee will be. Either way, they’re both gone in the next two weeks.

Since this is the shocker season, you can help determine the twists. In a couple weeks, the couples will swap and the stars will get new pros. Just tweet the name of the pro with the name of the star you want to see paired up with the hashtag #dwts. Also, “Good Morning America” anchor Robin Roberts will guest judge next week, while former pro Julianne Hough guest judge in two weeks. And we learned Ricky Martin and LMFAO will be on the show soon.

Will NeNe get her deserved boot next week? Will sympathy votes keep Billy Dee in? Will Cameron and Danica have a “West Side Story"-style knife fight? Will Jeremy Miller assume the identity of Bill Engvall so they don’t kill him? Does Erin not need oxygen because she can rattle off multiple run-on sentences without inhaling?

The competition continues Monday night at 8 on ABC.

More information can be found here.

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