CINCINNATI - "The Bachelor" episode 6 opens with Sean and the remaining six girls in a private plane flying over St. Croix in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Someone please sign me up for this show.
"It's been a long journey," Sean said. "With all the drama with Tierra, it was starting to get to me, but I'm now more optimistic than ever that my wife is here."
Only 47 seconds into the show and we were already talking about Tierra. I'm frightened.
The girls are taken to a beautiful hotel on the island when Tierra immediately separated herself from the group by pulling her cot into a solitary room.
"I'm not about to share some room with girls I don't care about," Tierra whined. "I'm not friends with girls." She is such a peach, isn't she?
The first date card arrived, which read: Ashley, let's get carried away. Wait just a minute, wasn't that line already used this season? Come on Sean and Chris Harrison, put your brains together!
Immediately following Ashlee getting the card, Tierra is overheard saying, "cougar's back in town." I'd ask Tierra to elaborate further on her issue with Ashlee's age but she does so without question.
"Ashlee is 32 years old. When I'm 32, I want to be married with kids. Why hasn't she found someone she can settle down with?" Tierra said. "I mean, you're 32 years old…" And with that--the only percentage of America that didn't hate Tierra has come to the other side.
Sean took Ashlee to the beach and told her that they would be swimming out to a boat to sail to a private island. The cameraman must also have a big crush on Ashlee because while she was taking her clothes off to get into the water, the camera seemed to be completely undressing her with its… lenses?
The two seemed to enjoy each other while Ashlee talked about her abandonment issues and problems as a child. Suddenly the Tierra drama seems more appealing to watch.
Sean asked Ashlee if the drama in the house has finally subdued. "It's the house and Tierra. Tierra stays by herself and doesn't want to be a part of the group," Ashlee said. "She's not polite, she isolates herself and it's weird. You get a different girl than the house gets."
I know ‘love is blind,' but let's hope what Ashlee said sinks in with Sean so we don't also have to label him as blind and stupid.
Sean and Ashlee have dinner on the Oceanside and Sean describes the day as being fun, sexy and romantic. "The best, most fun day I've had so far," Sean said.
When Sean asked Ashlee if there was anything about her that he didn't know, she looked down and apologized before she even started the conversation.
"I got married when I was 17," she said. "It breaks my heart to tell you that. I don't want to be this broken girl that comes to you."
Sean's response was actually pretty flawless, and I started to see why the girls sort of like him. He told her he thinks she is perfect the way she is and he doesn't think of her as broken, because she isn't. "Take that word of out your vocabulary," he told her.
And the collective "awwwwwwwwwwww!!"
Ashlee really must have liked his response because she stood up and screamed, "I love Sean!" I didn't see him literally run away from her with fear after that, so it must mean he likes her too?
"I love this man and will never stop telling him," Ashlee said. Well, I sure hope you quit telling him when he proposes to someone else.
The next date card arrived at the house and read: Tierra, let's explore our love on the streets of St. Croix.
Until this point, Tierra hasn't had a date alone with Sean. You would assume she would be over-the-moon with happiness. But that isn't typical Tierra style.
"I'm so excited to spend the whole day with Sean!" Tierra said. "However, being attacked by bugs and sweatiness and makeup dripping off my face isn't cool. I love boating and being on the water and I thought it would be something like that."
There are no words left for this sad, sad girl.
"Today is my first one-on-one with Tierra and I have a lot of questions for her," Sean said. "She's fun to be around but Ashlee sat me down and explained why the other women don't like her."
Sean and Tierra went off to explore the streets of St. Croix and while Tierra complained about being hot, gross and thirsty, she was thrilled that Sean took her shopping, because, well, it's her favorite activity. Somehow I don't think that shocked anyone.
A ‘random' parade took place coincidentally at the same time and place of the two, and Tierra jumped in to dance with everyone.
"Tierra's energy is off the chart! Dancing with people in the parade. She is a blast to be with, with a great personality and I enjoy my time with her," Sean gushed. So, clearly Ashlee had a major impact on him.
While Sean and Tierra were sitting on some steps, he asked her
if it has gotten better in the house.
"They have been [mad] since I got the first rose. I try to get involved but they do their own thing" she said. "These girls aren't going to be around much longer, you know?" Did she actually just say that, out loud? Yeah, she sure did.
At the dinner portion of their date, Tierra said that she felt there was a distance between the two of them. "I feel like I'm behind in the game," she told Sean. Interesting, so she admits that she thinks of it as a game?
Tierra whispered to Sean that she was falling in love with him and that she hoped their journey continued. For the sake of America, we hope it stops right now.
The next date card arrived and read: Catherine, Desiree and Lindsey—love is on the horizon.
In a very ‘hilarious' fashion, Sean wakes the three girls up for their date and takes pictures of them without their makeup.
"I know girls hate being seen without makeup on and I wanted to see what they looked like without it so I took pictures of them," Sean said.
ARE YOU SERIOUS!? That sounds like something a little brother would do when you're 13. Sean, grow up little man.
"They look really good in the morning, I was pleasantly surprised." Oh no he didn't.
Sean took the three girls on a road trip to the furthest eastern point of the island to see the sun rise, and then drove them to the furthest western point to see the sunset. Actually a unique date for once!
During the group date, Desiree and Sean seemed to really be hitting it off. "It's hard to watch Des really connect with Sean," Catherine said. "Seems like Lindsey and me are having a date with Sean and Des."
Is it just me, or did Sean forget his SPF 100 on the trip? Looked a little crispy in the face.
Sean pulled each girl aside and they all cried except for Lindsey who just wants to continue kissing Sean until the season is over.
"I didn't know if I should even keep the girl in the wedding dress the first night," Sean said. "And fast-forward and now I want to met her family."
That's adorable, but do you know anything about her beside the inside of her mouth?
"I think about the group date and having our first kiss, the first night I saw the depth that you have," Sean said. Excuse me, did he just say depth? Maybe that of a shallow baby pool.
Catherine told Sean about her family dynamics and how her dad had a suicide attempt in front of her when she was 14. It got pretty heavy but Sean seems to do well in these situations, responding like a true gentleman.
On the other hand, Desiree starts crying because her family is just too awesome. After Catherine's story, Des just needed to not talk.
There was one rose Sean could give out to secure a woman with a hometown date, and he chose Lindsey. Because that makes total sense.
The last date card arrived and read: Lesley, I hope our love stands the test of time.
Unfortunately no one sent Sean the memo that his faded pink pants needed to be thrown out to sea, so he wore them for the 57th time for the date with Lesley.
"Our relationship is not where it needs to be at this point," Sean said about Lesley. "I have stronger feelings for other women here and hopefully today I'll get the feeling that I'm not ready to let her go yet."
Sean and Lesley had a very relaxing date in a garden picking fruit. Actually not a terrible idea.
While Lesley talked behind the scenes about how her feelings grow stronger everyday, it was pretty clear on Sean's face that he wasn't feeling the same way. Bummer.
The date was extremely boring and awkward and it's not clear to me how Lesley said there was chemistry between the two. Maybe it's just me, but I wasn't seeing it.
After all the dates are over, Sean flies his sister, Shay, into town to help him make his decision.
"I don't want to pick the wrong girl," he said to Shay.
While Sean was catching up with his sister, and telling her that Tierra was really the only girl in the house causing problems, Tierra was inside the house causing more problems.
Shocking, I know.
"I don't want to be an idiot who keeps choosing the girl that's bad for me," Sean said.
Shay told him that her only piece of advice for him through this whole show was to not be with the girl that no one likes. BRAVO! Someone in that family has a brain.
Meanwhile inside the house, the Tierra blowout finally happened.
When Ashlee called Tierra out on her character, Tierra fired back with, "Girls are jealous! Guys love me!"
"Sean asked me flat out and that's when I talked about you. I say what I see," Ashlee said. "You are extremely rude… I would ask you questions and you'd look at me and raise your eyebrow and walk off."
Brace yourself, ladies and gentlemen, for the best one-liners I've ever had the privilege to hear.
"Raised eyebrow? That's my face! I can't help it!" Tierra screamed.
"Your parents were worried for you coming on here because you don't get along with girls," Ashlee shot back.
"No! They said, ‘Tierra, you have a sparkle and don't let those girls take your sparkle away!' People
have judged me because of my eyebrow. I can't control my eyebrow I can't control it, I can't control what's on my face 24/7! If I could I would but my face would get freakin' tired!" Tierra yelled.
Whew, did you get all of that? Now take a minute to finish laughing before we continue.
Sean walked into the house in the middle of Tierra partaking in her usual crying pity party for one. He had wanted to take her to meet his sister but upon finding her crying again, decided, wisely, against it.
"Why is this happening? Oh my god," Tierra cried to Sean. "I'm so sensitive and I have such a big heart but I'm scared of this process and I don't know how to take it." She said all of this while ‘crying' with no tears and a wicked smile on her face.
"My sister told me that if a girl can not get along with other girls, then that's trouble. And this is turning into a nightmare," Sean said. OK it's official, I love his sister.
Sean went back inside and told Tierra that his intention was not to upset her and that he knew how emotionally taxing the situation was for her. "I'm crazy about you and I have been since the first night and because I care so much about you I just think it might be best if you, you know, go home now."
I think I just heard cheering across the nation.
"I cant believe he did this to me, I want to go home," Tierra said in the limo drive of rejection. "I hope the girls got what they wanted. He doesn't want me here. I'll be OK though I'm strong and I'll get through it. I told myself going into here that no one will take my sparkle away and no one will."
Ha ha, everyone hates you. Please let this be the last time I ever have to hear, see, or type Tierra ever again.
The remaining girls had no idea that Tierra had left the house and were shocked when Sean told them at the cocktail party that he sent her home.
In another move to break the rules, Sean decided not to have the cocktail party, but to jump right into the rose ceremony because he had already made his decision. I can respect his direct nature.
After all was said and done, Lindsey, Catherine, Desiree and Ashlee took home roses, which meant that Sean wanted to meet their families. Lesley was sent packing and oddly enough, Catherine seemed to have a much bigger issue with it than Sean or even Lesley.
"I honestly can't explain how I'm feeling. If he doesn't want Lesley I don't know why I'm here. She has more in common with him than I do. I didn't want to say that but that's truly what I believe," Catherine said, "This is extremely tough for me, my beliefs are shattered about what he wants."
Let me get this straight, you are upset because he sent Lesley home but you are still in the running? Do you have more of a crush on Lesley or Sean? Just saying.
Next week looks even more dramatic as the preview shows Lindsey's dad not thrilled about Sean asking for approval and Desiree's brother flat out hating on Sean. Did they show a physical fight between them? Oh, this will be good.
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