Toddler Tales: The last first

The first Christmas, the first birthday, the first year.  It’s over. The last first came and went a few days ago. The first year since my mother died is over and it was tough.

For those of you who have followed my blog since the beginning or know me personally, know just how close I was with my mom.  The year seemed like it passed in the blink of an eye, yet it sometime seemed as if the days passed liked months.  

Thanksgiving marked the last first holiday without her. My dad and sister came to our house to celebrate this year. Black Friday was hard, that was our day. We would shop all day long. So I decided, since Camille is too young to shop all day, we would start our own tradition.  We took Camille away for the weekend to a resort that used the magic of Christmas to make me forget the pain in my heart.  We built a gingerbread house, we watched the holiday lights illuminate the night sky and Camille’s eyes light up as an elf even knocked on  the door and tucked her in bed.  

My mother died just weeks before Christmas, the holiday she loved the most. Not because she liked getting presents, although she did.  But she loved to give presents, to the mail carrier, to the doctor, to the neighbors and us. My mother carried the spirit of the holiday in her heart. Now, I have her in mine.

The year has changed m, I am not the same person that I was a year ago.  It changed my relationships too.   Some of the people who I thought were friends, were not,  they’re out of my life. Childhood friends are back. I say no more now to things that  I just don't want to do. Life is too short, that’s the lesson that I have learned this year.  

I also realized that no matter how hard the anniversary of my mother’s death will be, it will never be as hard as that cold December day last year.  

xoxo,

Tracy